Porn Addiction can ruin lives.

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:42 Written by Wes Wednesday, 16 May 2012 03:02

A post from “learningtolive”:

One of the things I’ve come to understand in recent weeks is how much of what drives our behaviours and attitudes is rooted in deep-seated beliefs that live under the radar in our subconscious. This has in many ways been a surprise to me. I’ve always considered myself a very logical and rational sort of person. When I see someone behaving in what appears to be an irrational or illogical way, my reaction tends to be to point out that it’s not logical and to try to reason the person out of it.

What I’m learning is that there is much in me that is not rational at a surface level, but is driven by deeply rooted beliefs that I am only just discovering I hold. I’m realizing that there is a big difference between thoughts and beliefs. Previously, I have always held the view that what we believe is simply a matter of rational, logical choice. Now I’m realizing it’s not quite that simple. That’s not to say that we don’t have a choice as to what we believe – I firmly believe that we do – but when it comes to our core beliefs about ourselves, rationale and logic are poor tools for understanding, explaining and changing those beliefs.

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Spousal Support

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:44 Written by Wes Monday, 14 May 2012 04:42

I’ve been away for a month. My wife and I were asked to write and direct a play for teenagers. And it took a lot of time and focus, and we all had a wonderful time together. We tried to create something that would be funny, and that the kids could be proud to be a part of.

In the midst of all this, I got stressed. And one night, when I couldn’t sleep, I engaged in borderline activities. Activities, that for me, can be extremely triggering. The next morning, I told my wife that I had had a problem, I told her what I had done, and I remember saying, “I hate myself when I get this way.”

My wife leaned over, and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then hugged me tight.

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Buried Deep Under Piles of Lust

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:44 Written by Wes Saturday, 14 April 2012 10:42

As a young adult, I experienced feelings of loneliness just like most people. And I buried those feelings with lust, pornography and masturbation. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was also burying my ability to feel positive emotions, including love. In recovery, I learned that as an addict the only time I felt loved in my marriage was when we were sexually intimate. In thinking back, the times that I wanted to make love were not motivated by feelings of love, but by feelings that I wasn’t loved. Feelings that would go away if we could just have sex.

I guess that is why recovery hurts. Because in order to reach the place where I can experience feelings of true love, even without sex, I have to be in a place where I can experience feelings of loneliness and true emotional pain without burying them in false emotions like lust.

And this is what makes recovery such an amazing journey. You are forced to go somewhere you spent so much time trying to escape. And the journey back is more painful than the actual destination, so that when you finally get there, you can say, “This isn’t as bad as I thought it was.”

(As a side note: Imagine how hard it was for my spouse to feel loved by someone who only felt loved during sex. But fortunately, my wife’s feelings of love came from within, not without, and so she never seemed to lose her sense of self worth, even when she had been hurt by me. A very unique gift from my point of view. It allowed her to experience the pain I caused whenever I tried to bury my pain, without burying her own pain.)

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