Spousal Support

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:44 Written by Wes Monday, 14 May 2012 04:42

I’ve been away for a month. My wife and I were asked to write and direct a play for teenagers. And it took a lot of time and focus, and we all had a wonderful time together. We tried to create something that would be funny, and that the kids could be proud to be a part of.

In the midst of all this, I got stressed. And one night, when I couldn’t sleep, I engaged in borderline activities. Activities, that for me, can be extremely triggering. The next morning, I told my wife that I had had a problem, I told her what I had done, and I remember saying, “I hate myself when I get this way.”

My wife leaned over, and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then hugged me tight.

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Buried Deep Under Piles of Lust

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:44 Written by Wes Saturday, 14 April 2012 10:42

As a young adult, I experienced feelings of loneliness just like most people. And I buried those feelings with lust, pornography and masturbation. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was also burying my ability to feel positive emotions, including love. In recovery, I learned that as an addict the only time I felt loved in my marriage was when we were sexually intimate. In thinking back, the times that I wanted to make love were not motivated by feelings of love, but by feelings that I wasn’t loved. Feelings that would go away if we could just have sex.

I guess that is why recovery hurts. Because in order to reach the place where I can experience feelings of true love, even without sex, I have to be in a place where I can experience feelings of loneliness and true emotional pain without burying them in false emotions like lust.

And this is what makes recovery such an amazing journey. You are forced to go somewhere you spent so much time trying to escape. And the journey back is more painful than the actual destination, so that when you finally get there, you can say, “This isn’t as bad as I thought it was.”

(As a side note: Imagine how hard it was for my spouse to feel loved by someone who only felt loved during sex. But fortunately, my wife’s feelings of love came from within, not without, and so she never seemed to lose her sense of self worth, even when she had been hurt by me. A very unique gift from my point of view. It allowed her to experience the pain I caused whenever I tried to bury my pain, without burying her own pain.)

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How to deal with your wife - A classic

Last Updated on Sunday, 17 April 2011 11:16 Written by Wes Sunday, 17 April 2011 11:16

I wanted to share a classic post from our free support board, which has been supporting people dealing with pornography addiction for over ten years. The post was originally written by the wife of an addict who went by “IAmBetrayed.” These days she is known as “KeepMovingForward” which is a reflection of her wonderful ability to grow as a person. Here is her post (just a note: SO stands for Significant Other).

OK, Guys -

After countless hours of talking with my husband, who is the love of my life, and also happens to be a PA, and after tons of reading and many, many, conversations with SOs in every different stage of grief and recovery, I am pleased to offer you

The Definitive Guide to How to Deal with your SO and
Have The Best Chance At Saving That Relationship!

The rest of the post and the many replies can be read by clicking here.

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