Porn Addict and Wife Going to Therapy Together

Last Updated on Monday, 11 April 2011 08:48 Written by Wes Monday, 11 April 2011 08:48

A member of our support forum will be attending therapy with her husband who is addicted to pornography. She related that he had trouble not ‘looking’ at their real estate agent. You can read her post here, and my response is below:

I think you will both really gain insight by attending therapy together. Be prepared, though, because some of it will be about you, and changes you may need to make in order to forgive and heal together, and that’s never comfortable. It will take time, I’m sure, but I am so glad you are willing to go with him. Just remember, you won’t be going to therapy to qualify yourself to be his porn-police or mommy. Go so that you can find out what you need to do, what changes you need to make, to help you both to heal. My experience was that while my wife focused on her trust and forgiveness (which she did beautifully), I could focus on the very real pain of my recovery (which I did pathetically at times).

Also, I can’t imagine how you can work with a real estate agent without looking at the person. That’s going to be part of life. Our addictive voices can really be set off when the person is dressed in a triggering way. It’s how we learn to respond to those triggers that allow us heal and recover. Your husband’s answer, “I was uncomfortable,” sounds tremendously honest. My wife and I have shared those kinds of reactions when a person has been dressed inappropriately in person or on a television commercial. We immediately connect over it, and I’ll say, “Well,that was uncomfortable.” It’s uncomfortable because, yes, they are dressed or behaving in a triggering way, and because I don’t appreciate that, I can be honest in my response.

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