Choice

Last Updated on Thursday, 7 October 2010 06:20 Written by Wes Sunday, 3 October 2010 01:03

This week, my addictive voice reared its head and started rattling the bars of its cage. In the middle of the night, I lied in bed feeling the old pains of this addiction. I went through a few of the steps outlined in “Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction.” I knew that I wouldn’t act out, but that knowledge didn’t diminish the pain of having the beast raging at me.

To me, all pain is physical because it is real, even if it is “only in my head.” But there are different types of pain, and I realized I had a choice between two types of pain: emotional pain, and spiritual pain.

That night, emotional pain meant not acting out. If I chose not to act out, I would continue to experience all of the dark emotional pain I was experiencing as I lied there staring into the night. Past experience gave me reason to hope it would pass, even if it took several days or weeks. But it would pass.

Spiritual pain, to me, was the consequence of choosing to act out. Spiritual pain means different things to different people. Generally, I think of it as a separation from your higher power, whether it is God, family, or sense of self worth. For me, it would be all three.

Sadly, I knew from experience that acting out would lead to a painful separation from the things that bring me the most joy. Which ultimately would be worse than the pain of acting out.

Before I started applying the Ten Keys in my life, I would not have remembered the pain of acting out. I would only have been able to feel the pain of not acting out. And, ultimately, I would have found myself powerless to make the correct choice.

Fortunately, I was able to make the right choice. It was a long, sad night for me. So was the next night. But, now, several days later, the pain has subsided and I’m grateful to have made the better choice.

Choosing between two pains is not easy at all. But regardless of how we may feel, even in the depths of addiction, we always have a choice.

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