Porn Addiction: Escape vs. Retreat

Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 November 2011 01:20 Written by Wes Wednesday, 23 November 2011 01:20

I recently read a wonderful chapter in the book ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel that talked about a word that pops up a lot on the Support Forum: Escape

Escape is what my addiction is all about.

The author contrasts that with Retreat, where we do things for ourselves that benefit ourselves and others. For instance, if I go fishing for a day, it’s a retreat. I’m recharged. I return home a better husband and father, better able to stand on my principles. But I know some people for whom fishing is an escape, a way to neglect responsibilities and others.

Just something I need to remember when I hear myself using the word “escape.”

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Recent News Article

Last Updated on Sunday, 13 November 2011 10:45 Written by Wes Sunday, 13 November 2011 10:44

Great article on a Seventh-day Adventist pastor battling this addiction in the Salt Lake Tribune.

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Porn Kills Relationships

Last Updated on Tuesday, 29 March 2011 12:15 Written by Wes Sunday, 27 March 2011 07:13

For those of you who have read my book Ten Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction, you know my feelings about how porn addiction impacts a relationship. I was upfront with my wife from the beginning about this struggle, and she was supportive of my efforts to overcome this. But in trying to show her support through strength, she never attacked me with “How do you think this makes me feel?” I just figured she was super strong. I must add that she probably was demonstrating her pain in different ways, but being so drugged up on pornography I was not emotionally equipped to recognize her pain and the destruction I was wreaking in my marriage.

We went to see a therapist to help us with our child who was going through problems, and some how it turned into some marriage counseling. And my porn addiction came up. The therapist asked my wife how she feels when I look at porn. I turned and looked at my wife who just sat silently. She sat for what seemed like an eternity, as tears quietly rolled down her cheeks. Her face was as set as stone, but I’ll never forget those tears. And she softly said, “I feel sad. I feel like he doesn’t love me.”

That was a wake up call for me.

Although my efforts at sobriety had been well intentioned, I had been trying on my own, without any outside support or accountability. That was when I got serious enough to begin attending 12 step meetings. That was when I began using Covenant Eyes. That was when my life truly began to change.

So, if you think your porn use is only affecting you, think again. I promise you that it is hurting someone terribly. Maybe it is someone in your future, and so the impact seems distant, but that person is being hurt, even if you haven’t met her or him yet.

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